Irrational Iranian fear of Death.

Are you familiar with BBC Have your Say?

Its a place that the BBC provide and encourage – yes you heard that right encourage – the generally pretty fucking thick populace of Good Britain, to literally have their say! I know! What a radical concept! I couldn’t believe it when I found it! What’s even more brilliant about it is, it’s chock-full of some of the craziest, stupidest, funniest skull-shit you’ve ever ever seen. You have to browse through it carefully, because, unfortunately, there’s some sensible opinions on there as well, but you soon learn to skip through these to find the stupid shit.

Let’s have a look at their most latest opinion-boggler;

What can Iran protests achieve?

At least 10 people were killed in Tehran and more than 100 wounded when police clashed with “terrorists” on Saturday, state TV says.

Are you in Iran? Have you gone to any protests? Did you take part in the rallies on Saturday? What can the protests achieve? Who did you vote for? What message does the result send out to the international community?

Got that? All clear? “WHAT – CAN – IRAN – PROTESTS – ACHIEVE?” OK.

Personally, my first thoughts on this subject are manifold, and mostly sensible. It’s a genuine, global issue the situation in Iran, and I’m bloody glad that the Iranian people are brave and courageous enough to get out there and protest this seemingly obvious travesty of justice and democracy, in such a dangerous and oppressive regime. Then I started to wonder about who sails these Dictator Ships. Luckily Kyumars tells us that they’re piloted by the captains…

Added: Sunday, 14 June, 2009, 12:31 GMT 13:31 UK

Like any other dictator ships!

Kyumars

One of the weird quirks of this HYS arena is that there is a ‘recommend’ system where users self-congratulate themselves and their frankly odd opinions, so that the shit rises to the top. Which is good if you’re combing the archive for the most inspiring, insightful opinions. Or not, if you take the opinion, like I do, that maybe some of the most very idiotic drivel might just get ignored by people with half a synapse.

Moving through this archive of oddity, I found what seemed like a profundity on the plight of the person on the street:

Added: Friday, 19 June, 2009, 14:17 GMT 15:17 UK

Leave Iran alone.It is there country,News people go home.

Yeh, ok mate, you’ve obviously got some connection to what’s going on on the street. I respect that. Remember, HYS is used by people globally, not just people from the UK. It could be someone posting from somewhere in the world with a similar oppressive plight:

Doyle, Florida

Yeh, or Florida.

Milton Oliver, Bethesda, United States has an interesting theory as to how these fascists managed to pull this electoral travesty off:

Added: Saturday, 13 June, 2009, 17:17 GMT 18:17 UK
Something does not smell right. Do all of the candidates have representatives observing the counting of ballots?

Errr… Milton Oliver, that famous hair-dresser from Bethesda, USA, posits that it was a gaggle of huge conked infiltrators, smelling which candidates have representatives observing the counting of… Er.. Ballots? Wait let’s analyse that sentance… Er… No. I can’t. It’s too Fucking Stupid.

Ayesha, from London asks, quite rightly, that:

Added: Sunday, 21 June, 2009, 20:54 GMT 21:54 UK
All I know is that there is an uncomfortable interest in Iran…I wonder why?

I wonder why too Ayesha, is it because someone got evicted from Big Brother? But you’re right it is uncomfortable isn’t it?

By far and away my favourite anti-thought is this gem, by quietoaktree anon as to the serious nature of all this unrest, and the opinion that inspired my first quack-back, up, The Wizards Sleeve…

Added: Saturday, 20 June, 2009, 15:37 GMT 16:37 UK

I´m getting a bit tired of being threatened by death.

I know exactly how you feel quietoaktree anon. I’m getting jolly well fed up to the back teeth of that as well. Especially as that seems to be a going concern of those people ACTUALLY living and protesting in Iran, right now.

Here’s my murmurillatron to the HYS forum itself, in response to Oaky. I got absolutely zero recommendations back, not even a concilliatory one from oaktree.

Name: David Mugjadin

Registered: 20/06/09

COMMENT:

I am getting a bit tired of people being tired of being threatened by Death. I mean, what is the world, if it’s not full of god-fearing, death-fearing, people?

Still saying that I am quite scared of Death myself. I’ve heard it’s not terribly good for you.

You can keep your pain and suffering an ‘all whilst you mention it. What’s pain and suffering ever brought anyone except pain and suffering? Pain and Suffering that’s what…

These Iranians don’t know what’s good for em.

Not exactly earth shattering, but I was hoping for a bit of a HYS rally around this thought.  Nada. This is day one of Wizards Sleeve don’t forget. I must try harder.

If you don’t believe me btw here’s the post

If you like the look of this Have your Say malarky, please fill your under-copters here

And my HYS noom der ploom is David Mugjadin, follow me if you like.

Gypsies should definitely be allowed to jump the NHS queue.

Gypsies allowed to roam free and run government departments

Gypsies definitely should be allowed to jump the NHS queue.

We got a unique glimpse into what Britain thinks of the Gypsies the other day courtesy of The Daily Mail online. More specifically they asked: “Should Gypsies be allowed to jump the NHS queue”. Yes. Or No.

The Daily Mail seemed to be doing it’s usual knee jerk reaction to some bollocks news story or other, by posting a poll to the above fuck-brained notion. Not being a Daily Mail readers for obvious reasons, we were none-the-wiser to it’s cause or genesis.

Haven’t these nasty Nazi’s bastards at The Daily Mong got anything better to do? No, of course they haven’t… what could possibly be more fun or worthwhile than booting a wasps-nest of stupidity and bigotry for the continued un-education of the idiots that read their paper!?

However, through the dubious yet turbulent power of Twitter, us normal, not-so-stupid people (ie non DM readers) were all alerted to this nonsense, and we all got together and voted ‘YES BY THE GOD OF CARAVANS YES! Gypsies should definitely be allowed to jump the queue on the NHS!!!’ as a protest to their sphincter tightening idiocy.

We showed them!

By voting YES YES YES YES and by god YES we got a 96% positive outcome. But instead of mindlessly re-vomiting our perfectly valid opinion and reaction, The Daily Mail took the poll down – the book burning motherfuckers.

Why they think the opinion of the Twitter masses is any less valid than those of the idiots that not only read that bollocks paper, but also go to the extra bother of going to their shit brained website is a total mystery to me. But I guess it kind of sums them up.

Well, just for the record here’s what the Daily Wizard thinks about this non-issue: Not only should Gypsies be allowed to jump whatever queue it is that some up-tight middle class numbskull got his incontinence pants in a twist about, they should be allowed to RUN THE WHOLE FUCKING NHS!

It’s not like Sir Alan Carr pm and his government are doing a good job of running it; so why not let the Romany roadside-tyre-burners have a go.

Just imagine turning up at a caravan on a roundabout to pick up a repeat prescription . Or pulling in at a layby to attend a drop-in Breast Screening clinic. That would make my day.

Make it so PM A.Carr.

Update.

I’ve just found the offending article that inspired the Poll. Firstly it’s by Richard Littlebrain which necessitates that I don’t read it properly, but in a nut-shell, some dick wrote to him complaining that he couldn’t book an appointment with those Hitler worshipping scum; Doctor’s Receptionists. That is unless he sat redialing them from 8am onwards like the rest of us that don’t live in caravans, but those dirty gypo’s got 20 mins a week where they can drop in and see a doc or nurse straightaway! The cheek!

Richard calls the Gypsie community a “Raggle-taggle bunch of Irish tinkers, itinerant scrap-metal merchants, scruffy hippies left over from the 1983 Glastonbury Festival, or dubious waifs and strays from Eastern Europe doing a bit of freelance begging”. Just so you know.

He is a fucking idiot.

Reading on a bit, I noticed that the original moaning cunt was from Wellingborough, a shit eating town only a few miles away from mine, with a reputation for even more in-breeding than this shit hole town. It all makes sense now. And I feel a little culpable somehow. My mum’s a Doctor’s Receptionist… It was probably her fault.

Sorry Richard / In-bred complainer.

The Offensive article

Let’s take that journey up the Wizards Sleeve!

What is this shit?

How many times a day do you encounter stupid people?

Probably every day right?

You bump into them in supermarkets, you have to share the road with them, you probably even have to work with them.

But what about really fucking stupid people?

You know, the ones you wonder how they function in the same universe as you, the ones you question whether they dress themselves, and who ultimately and most worryingly, usually hold the most dangerous opinions.

Living in a sweaty backwater where there are more than your fair share of gene-sharing relationships going around (I mean if you can’t find a decent partner on Beirut Street, and you don’t want to run the online-dating gauntlet, there’s always your sister isn’t there?), I’ve had more than my fair share of encounters with Really Fucking Stupid People.

You know the kind of encounter, the kind of one when you’re talking to, I don’t know, say, a friend of a friend in a pub, a bit pissed, when they drop some jaw dropping shit-brained deeply entrenched prejudice against dark skinned interlopers, or a fear of anal rape by anyone wearing anything pink – even a home England top that was accidently washed with the away one… you know the kind.

But then you make the mistake of looking online; through that laptop-shaped window into the world of the Ever More Stupid Fucking Person, and you realise that those nut-crunchingly excruciating encounters, pale into insignificance compared to the stupidness and ignorance available to anyone with an internet connection and no-one to hit them over the knuckles with a big stick if they burp out any shit-brained bollocks.

The most worrying thing about it is that most of it is readily available to anyone with a computer; without nary an age or an IQ test! The Daily Mail really should be bringing this danger to our moral fabric to public attentio (and more on them later).

Yes the Really Really Really Really Really Amazingly Fucking Stupid People live online.

They are normal people like you and me, but they are Really Really Really Really Really Amazingly Fucking Stupid People, so really, they’re not that fucking normal.

In fact they are so fucking stupid, that if I ran this country, they’d all be rounded up and put on an Island, where they have two choices:

1. they’d all fuck each other in a nice ‘you’re not my direct family so it’s ok to have babies’ kind of way, in which case the gene pool get’s all diversifiicated, and we get to go back and pluck out the newly cleverfied people and give them jobs and stuff and hope they make productive members of society.
2. They keep fucking their sisters, brothers and cousins, and eventual devolve back into monkeys, in which case, we get to go back and pluck out the newly cleverfied monkeys, and give them jobs as butlers and shop assistant and stuff and they make productive members of society. Either way, I win.

Trouble is I don’t run this Country yet, and it doesn’t look like our glorious un-elected leader Sir Alan Carr PM is giving up power anytime soon, so I’ve got another solution.

Every time I’ve tried to reason with a stupid person, I’ve got nowhere. I’ve just talked up a storm of idiocracy. An argument of reason with a thick cunt, is not a good place to be.

However, in several inspired drunken moments in my life, I’ve gone along with the tide of shit-for-brains-irrationality, under the ruse of being quite fucking stupid myself, reflecting back the illogically, mentally stupid, in the hope that my parody of stupidness might somehow redress the cosmic balance. I hoped that the stupid person themselves might hear how fucking stupid I was being, and go home and have a re-think about their lives and their beliefs.

Some hope – but in the final analysis, it was generally, pretty bloody funny. In several feedback-loops of irrationality with a stupid twat, I found myself cooking up a shit-bomb of hilarious, irrational, backward-thinking Anti-Gorm.

I also have to confess here, that in several jobs and life situations, I have feigned and faked utter, utter brainlessness, just to make life easier. Just to get on with people. And in those instances, you get yourself into a right old mess with the tiny skulled pity-magnets, but in retrospect it was usually pretty funny!

So, here we are then- up the wizards sleeve of irrationality – where I don’t merely protest and highlight stupidity, I’ll hunt it down, laugh at it, and join the fuck in.

I’ll start with obvious targets like The Daily Mong, and their idiot opinions and poll, and the BBC’s glorious Have your Say website, where, fabulously, Really Stupid People have been invited to put down in words what they think about really inflammatory subjects. I’ll try and join in their foamy gobbed trains of illogicality, without being rumbled as an outside influence, whilst at the same time being as Really Fucking Stupid as possible. You will be able to peruse the outcomes of this folly.

Let’s see where the clown’s pocket ends up Dorothy!

The Wizards Sleeve of Irrationality

Like a dead chameleon on a mirror; reflecting the world of the very, very stupid person, back into the stupiverse.