What is this shit?
How many times a day do you encounter stupid people?
Probably every day right?
You bump into them in supermarkets, you have to share the road with them, you probably even have to work with them.
But what about really fucking stupid people?
You know, the ones you wonder how they function in the same universe as you, the ones you question whether they dress themselves, and who ultimately and most worryingly, usually hold the most dangerous opinions.
Living in a sweaty backwater where there are more than your fair share of gene-sharing relationships going around (I mean if you can’t find a decent partner on Beirut Street, and you don’t want to run the online-dating gauntlet, there’s always your sister isn’t there?), I’ve had more than my fair share of encounters with Really Fucking Stupid People.
You know the kind of encounter, the kind of one when you’re talking to, I don’t know, say, a friend of a friend in a pub, a bit pissed, when they drop some jaw dropping shit-brained deeply entrenched prejudice against dark skinned interlopers, or a fear of anal rape by anyone wearing anything pink – even a home England top that was accidently washed with the away one… you know the kind.
But then you make the mistake of looking online; through that laptop-shaped window into the world of the Ever More Stupid Fucking Person, and you realise that those nut-crunchingly excruciating encounters, pale into insignificance compared to the stupidness and ignorance available to anyone with an internet connection and no-one to hit them over the knuckles with a big stick if they burp out any shit-brained bollocks.
The most worrying thing about it is that most of it is readily available to anyone with a computer; without nary an age or an IQ test! The Daily Mail really should be bringing this danger to our moral fabric to public attentio (and more on them later).
Yes the Really Really Really Really Really Amazingly Fucking Stupid People live online.
They are normal people like you and me, but they are Really Really Really Really Really Amazingly Fucking Stupid People, so really, they’re not that fucking normal.
In fact they are so fucking stupid, that if I ran this country, they’d all be rounded up and put on an Island, where they have two choices:
- they’d all fuck each other in a nice ‘you’re not my direct family so it’s ok to have babies’ kind of way, in which case the gene pool get’s all diversifiicated, and we get to go back and pluck out the newly cleverfied people and give them jobs and stuff and hope they make productive members of society.
- They keep fucking their sisters, brothers and cousins, and eventual devolve back into monkeys, in which case, we get to go back and pluck out the newly cleverfied monkeys, and give them jobs as butlers and shop assistant and stuff and they make productive members of society. Either way, I win.
Trouble is I don’t run this Country yet, and it doesn’t look like our glorious un-elected leader Sir Alan Carr PM is giving up power anytime soon, so I’ve got another solution.
Every time I’ve tried to reason with a stupid person, I’ve got nowhere. I’ve just talked up a storm of idiocracy. An argument of reason with a thick cunt, is not a good place to be.
However, in several inspired drunken moments in my life, I’ve gone along with the tide of shit-for-brains-irrationality, under the ruse of being quite fucking stupid myself, reflecting back the illogically, mentally stupid, in the hope that my parody of stupidness might somehow redress the cosmic balance. I hoped that the stupid person themselves might hear how fucking stupid I was being, and go home and have a re-think about their lives and their beliefs.
Some hope – but in the final analysis, it was generally, pretty bloody funny. In several feedback-loops of irrationality with a stupid twat, I found myself cooking up a shit-bomb of hilarious, irrational, backward-thinking Anti-Gorm.
I also have to confess here, that in several jobs and life situations, I have feigned and faked utter, utter brainlessness, just to make life easier. Just to get on with people. And in those instances, you get yourself into a right old mess with the tiny skulled pity-magnets, but in retrospect it was usually pretty funny!
So, here we are then- up the wizards sleeve of irrationality – where I don’t merely protest and highlight stupidity, I’ll hunt it down, laugh at it, and join the fuck in.
I’ll start with obvious targets like The Daily Mong, and their idiot opinions and poll, and the BBC’s glorious Have your Say website, where, fabulously, Really Stupid People have been invited to put down in words what they think about really inflammatory subjects. I’ll try and join in their foamy gobbed trains of illogicality, without being rumbled as an outside influence, whilst at the same time being as Really Fucking Stupid as possible. You will be able to peruse the outcomes of this folly.
Let’s see where the clown’s pocket ends up Dorothy!
